A pirate walks into a bar with a peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch.
The bartender looks up and say, "Oh my god, you're a mess! What happened to you?"
The pirate says, "ARRRR, 'twas a stormy sea, and a giant wave - washed me overboard! And as me mateys were hauling me back, a shark leapt outta the water - bit off me leg!"
The bartender says, "Okay, that explains the leg... what about the rest of it?"
The pirate says, "ARRRR, we were layin' siege to a ship - and as I swung over, a sailor reached out - cut off me hand!"
The bartender says, "All right, that explains that... what about the eye?"
The pirate says, "ARRRR! A seagull - shat in me eye!"
The bartender says, "What?? You don't lose your eye from that!"
The pirate says, "ARRRR! But 'twas the first day with the hook!"
It’s Never Too Early To Mock
5 hours ago